Random Blurb

I sat there and watched you for a while, talking. Words were falling from your lips and dripping onto the table in front of us as if your mouth were a leaky faucet of rainbow paint. They slid amongst our steak fries and mashed potatoes, pooling around the menus and our frosted glasses. They looked sweet. I didn't want to find out if they tasted that way too, so I crammed a fry in my mouth before it could get contaminated.
You were saying things, but I barely heard them over the rushing river noises of my disbelief. It was you. It was me. We were really sitting here across from each other. I wasn't crying. I wasn't even hurting. And you... Well, you were somehow still you after all, even though you had changed.
Somewhere the things you were saying started to register, and I was amazed. It was everything -everything- I had ever wanted to hear from you, right there in front of me. It should have looked like a pile of gold, but instead it looked like raw sugar with no substance and far too many calories for my taste. I should have wanted you to open your mouth wider, to let the words pour out, but instead I wanted to reach across the table, press my palm against your moist lips, shake my head, and smile. Maybe a soft smile, barely touching the corners of my mouth, as sincere and as sad as I could muster.
But I held it in, let you talk, let my ego swell a little despite itself. It felt good to know that you missed me.
Later, I let you kiss me. I let me taste you on my lips, on my tongue, on my heart, but the craving I had once had for you was gone. The fire that used to burn where we met, the electrical current in my veins and nerves gone. And I pulled away from you feeling a little empty, as if you had sucked away any last doubt, stubbornly clinging to me as a frail piece of cotton.
A test, and one I had passed. You were gone, and it felt strange, but... It was. It was and you were gone.
I think all that time this was the feeling I had tried so badly to pretend I had, never knowing that it was feeling nothing that was the trick all along.
I think all that time this is what I wanted.